Correct me if I am wrong. Those are famous words and are generally spoken when someone is about to talk about something that they have little to no knowledge about. I suppose you could argue that what information they do have may not be complete so they are attempting to add to that information. That's the case here. I'm sure that somewhere along the line my information is incomplete and perhaps someone will see something that I can't see.
The subject is: Voting Against Your Own Self Interests.
It hasn't always been this way but I'd say the last two elections have been interesting in the way that people vote against their own self interests. Almost, without question, it has been a vote for a Repuglican was a vote for religion or theocracy. That's not to say that Repuglicans haven't had good ideas but here lately, they have just been having really bad ideas. While it hasn't been limited to the Federal and State level, I'll stick with those two because those are the ones easiest to make notes and well county and city levels are simply to vast. Never mind that those are mostly to praying at a meeting. I know! I know! What part of "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..." Granted the 1st amendment says Congress but the 14th amendment pushes the 1st on the States as well. Is it really that hard to leave your religion at the door when you are a part of a public events? Government and its officials know they cannot participate in something that makes it appear that one religion is government approved. On the city and county level, they swear they don't understand why it's such a big deal. On the Federal level, they use religion to get you to vote for them, keep them in power and cause you to vote against your own self interest. Most Americans are really just that naive. But let's be honest, your politicians, aren't idiots - they know how to use your religion against you. Trust me when I say, you don't want a theocracy. You only have to look to the Middle East to see why. Do not give me or yourself that clap-trap about how a Christian theocracy would be much better than a Muslim based one. That's just bullshit and we both know it but I'll give you the floor - explain to me, in the comments, how a theocracy would be better.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
And that's exactly what we do every election season. We have flip-flopped (Americans hate that word but can't see they do it themselves) between Repuglicans and Demoncrats with almost every vote (when we do change presidents, of course):
1977-1981 (D) Jimmy Carter
1981-1989 (R) Ronald Reagan
1989-1993 (R) George Bush I
1993-2001 (D) Bill Clinton
2001-2009 (R) George Bush II
2009-2017 (D) Barack Obama
You can see the two (R)s together which is why I said almost. Yes, I predicted that the current President will continue to be President mainly because he's been a decent president and the other guy scares the shit out of me. He should scare the shit out of you too. There is nothing remotely even good about the Repuglican contender. People call him a "job creator" and that he'll create jobs if elected President. Apparently people don't realize that the President doesn't create jobs. He can, with help from Congress and Senate, make it easier for companies to hire people but in the end - it's consumers that create and sustain jobs. No matter how many businesses or people a "job creator" hires - it's the consumer that must like his product and be willing and able to purchase the product. Otherwise, the business fails and those jobs go away.
Back to the subject, this coming election process - a vote for a Repuglican (or the loathsome tea party) is a vote against your own self interests. You might be ask how is that possible when you do believe in what that person offers. The answer to that is simply because you are blinded by your religion or race or some other items that keeps you from seeing the true picture of what is to happen after this person is elected or this law passed. Take North Carolina's Amendment 1, for example. Many people that they were voting against gays only but it turns out that they voted again straight couples who haven't married yet or don't want too. They just ripped the benefits from domestic partners and children spawned from that union. In North Carolina, unless you are a married male and female - you have no rights, at all, to your significant other's benefits. Granted, what will likely happen is that benefits that are currently extended will continue to be given. But in the event that they are taken away - see what happens when you so gleefully go voting against anyone that you blindly vote for something that you didn't fully understand and as such didn't know what you were doing? Such a pity that you are blinded by your own religion that your hate and disgust of complete strangers that you may have voted against your own self interest. See? You truly are that naive.
I had to rewrite this part because thankfully, North Dakota, beat back an amendment to their Constitution that the authors said would protect the citizen's religious freedoms - never mind that the Constitution does a damn good job of that. But let the extreme right get away with their tyranny and when that protection is gone - this country will see pain like it never has before. That I can guarantee. You have no idea how bad it can get until you live under a theocracy. It'll be like any other theocracy in this world, one that will exalt a leader who would take over and then force the rest of us to believe like he does and whatever his narrow interpretation of the bible is currently. He'll, with glee, acknowledge that there are parts of the bible that he chooses to ignore because without protections from the Constitution - he can do that and so can any other "christian" who chooses to take up the same mantle (there will be many of those too).
This election is extremely important and I personally think the Republicans are attempting to commit political suicide. All in the name of attempting to see how much people will swallow. These abortion bans that most people don't complain about because they think abortion is murder, that's great, except your religion doesn't belong in our government. Plus, how long do you think it'll be before government starts taking away other rights - you know, the ones you actually hold dear? Once you start down the slope of certain things are okay because I agree with it, eventually you'll start losing your rights too and when that happens - no one will be around to help you. Mainly because you didn't help them and now they are all dead or in jail.
Finally, there is a difference between Christians and "christians" or CINOs (christian in name only). This means they claim to love Christ, follow Christ and listen to his teachings but every single syllable from their lips prove that they do not do any of that nor do they actually read or study the book they profess to know. Be wary around these people as they are truly wolves in sheep's clothing. These people seem to not get that the Bible is full of rules and laws that apply to them or may they do get it but choose to ignore them while telling everyone they do not cherry pick their verses. I like to think these people aren't evil but rather gullible, misguided or stupid. In most cases, there's no cure for stupidity but in this case, you can help them by opening their bible for them and helping them find verses that they seem to miss. This, of course, means that you can't skip verses you dislike either.
Respectfully Submitted,
Ouiser
Saturday, June 22, 2013
The Ancient Game of He Said/She Said
For purposes of this blog - She said is in Blue, he said is in red.
Candy MerillatThank you Miss Betty for the beautiful letter. Bryan and I, unfortunately do not talk anymore.I unfriended him on facebook because I can not handle all the negative things he posts about the church and our government. And how everyone is against him.
Yes, there are certain things about the church that I completely despise. Like shuffling pedophiles around or those who claim to be standing for religion saying silly things like marriage equality will lead to bestiality or (you guessed it) pedophilia. If saying you don't like these things are negative then yes, I am negative. As for the government, I think I talk the most about Republicans but I also talk about Democrats. In this regard, you know as well as I do, that you and your husband are far worse in your negativity about the government. Nothing Chicago/Illinois government or the federal government could do was right. Does that mean you were wrong? No, it just means you were negative about the government. At least I admit that Republicans do have good ideas from time to time but nothing recently.
The last time I talked to him was a few weeks before Christmas.
You did talk to me after the new year and I thought we cleared up any matters. Then the bullying episode occurred and while I did generalize...most people would have thought that their child doesn't fit that description so therefore they couldn't have learned something they don't know from their parents. But this didn't occur to you and I'm not sure why.
He has told me on many occasions that David doesn't think I like him. This is true.
I have said time and time again to him that If I didn't like David, I wouldn't invite him to my house, hug him or even talk to him.
I have told David this and it was his choice to stay away from you - he felt you didn't like him when he was around. I can't make him change his mind.
Since Bryan moved to Indiana, our relationship has gone down hill.
This is true - in some respect - the relationship started going downhill when I first agreed to move to Indiana. Once that occurred, you wouldn't even help me move when you told me months earlier that you would. Who would have thought that offer was contingent on me moving where you wanted me to. (See below about costs associated with your ideas).
We can't talk when Dave is home, We can't talk when David comes home and most of the time that Bryan were to call me is when he got out of the house with out David or David wasn't home.
I have called during times when David wasn't home because I was cleaning and bored. When David would come home, he would ascertain who was on the phone and then go on about his business.
Trying to have a conversation with him while David was home, was to have the conversation constantly interupted by David, or Bryan tell me he had to go because David was either giving him attitude or pouting because Bryan wasn't paying attention to him.
I don't remember David ever giving me attitude or pouting when I was on the phone. He would always say hello to you and you would say hello back. That was the extent of it. If David was ever pouting or had attitude - he wasn't serious about it. Oddly enough we are missing the number of times that your family would interrupt our phone calls. Let's talk about the number of times and length of time that I waited with dead air on the line (no, you can't use the excuse that they are children). Unless they are toddlers or younger, they can see you were on the phone and never mind that your daughter would always talk to you about things and never your husband. Admittedly, I'm not sure if this is because he would always defer to you or not. Given the number of times (and how quickly they begin once you are outside) that you have gotten text messages from your daughter while away and your reaction to these texts - I assume she never asks him.
After their trip to Connecticut and Bryan announcing on Facebook that he and David had decided to move up there where they could be married and it be viewed as a real marriage, I knew then I had lost my friend. The reason I knew is because I found out like the general public...via Facebook. Not a phone call stating his happy news but a total disregard for our friendship.
Perhaps but it was actually to see what people would say - including you. At this point in time, I thought we were still friends enough that you would have called to ask about it and to see if it were true but you didn't do that. Instead you made a comment on the post about how happy you were for us but were steaming inside and harassing your upstairs neighbor about it. You told me that yourself. It would be viewed as a real marriage an option, may I remind you, that you already have but it's no fault of yours that I don't have it. Unless, of course, you voted against me.
I severed business ties with him at that moment. Changed the name of the business and opened it on my own. We had a chance to get a business grant and a substantial one, but he neglected to tell me about it until after the dead line. When I asked him why he didn't tell me, he said well I started to apply for us but I didn't know any of the details we had talked about and I just didn't do it. Never once called me to ask me to do it, or even tell me about it until it was too late to even apply.
There were no real business ties anyway. You can spin this any way that you want but the reality is that the grant I found was UP TO a certain amount - meaning no guarantee of the high number - and that we have a name - which we didn't have and the deadline was relatively close. It was also asking for numbers we couldn't have possibly offered to them with any accuracy, so to go forward would have been fraud. So, no, you can't claim that it was all my fault for losing the grant when we didn't have most of the information that they were asking for. As you noted above, I did start to fill out the form myself but then as the questions got a little more involved, I stopped and realized that we didn't have the info and wouldn't by the deadline. Yes, I did forget to tell you but why bother when there was nothing we could have done about it.
Never mind the times I told you that the economy didn't make me comfortable (not fully but reasonable that we would have a fair shot at sustaining a business) and with recent talks of taxes going up on small business - I wasn't quite ready to stick my neck out there. I get that you believe that we would be turning a profit in the first month but common business ideals dictate that it takes about 2 years to be profitable. Does that mean we would have been like that? No, but 2 years is an average meaning that any more or less was an exception to the rule.
Since the incident of him announcing he and David were going to move, Ive seen him once. He came down for Black Friday and I just felt like I was not wanted. It was a burden for me to even be with them shopping.
That's strange - you wanted to meet us at Black Friday then when your daughter wasn't feeling good, you wanted to go with us which we happily agreed. We had a good time talking and cutting up like usual. You even spent the time that I was spending waiting on a specific item with David. I would even come over and talk a few minutes. We then took you home and you wanted to go somewhere else with us - I don't see how that's feeling uncomfortable with us. Even David said that he enjoyed talking to you. So, if this was a burden, then perhaps you should have asked to go home when this became obvious. Not stand around and talk while you were miserable. If it really were a burden, that was your fault not ours.
13 years we have been friends and if he wants to believe what David tells him when David doesn't even know me...well than that is on Bryan.
I believe what my husband says just like you do - that hasn't changed. I suppose you think that since you said something then I should just believe it and completely ignore my husband's feelings.
He seemed to be hinting to me when he found out we were going to church on Christmas Eve, seemed like he wanted to go. I told him that Im sure there was a church in his area he could attend. Now Miss Betty I have never turned anyone of God's children away when they have shown interest in going to church with us. But Miss Betty, the way Bryan looks his nose down on the church and anything to do with the church. I was not going to sit in the house of the Lord, our loving and beautiful church, knowing that the person sitting next to me did not believe.
That's odd. You believe that you can be a witch and a Christian at the same time knowing that those two particular religious paths are incompatible. Christians/Catholics used to burn witches at the stake, press them to death and force them to convert under penalty of death. Witches used to hide in the Catholic church in the 50s but they only went to church and didn't actually practice the religion itself and never considered themselves Christian. If you need to mix two religions to make it work for you then one or both of them isn't for you. At any rate, I did mention that I wanted to go because I love Christmas cantatas especially those sang in churches with great acoustics and you are the one who told me the church was great for that and that I should go. Loving music and believing in the same thing you do is completely different. To enjoy music does not require that I enjoy the faith it's singing about.For the record, I have never told you or anyone else that I am an atheist. I have told people that I am agnostic (this is different than being an atheist) and that I believe there are gods that exist but I have a different way of viewing them. Also, You know I have no desire to be part of any religion and believe the Catholic Church is being highly hypocritical to continue telling others just how nasty and gross they are when they shuffle pedophile priests around and think nothing of it. Yes, that is my right. Just because you can overlook it or make an excuse like well it's not my church doesn't mean I have to do the same thing
I've lost my friend. I've listened to him when he has called and complained about David being lazy, not making any decisions and upsetting Bryan. but it seems that when I agree with Bryan, he goes back and tells David and that would be the reason David thinks I do not like him...when in fact, what I don't like is that Bryan does nothing but tell me the BAD things David does and nothing of the GOOD that David does...so what am I supposed to do?
I can agree with this one, you have permanently lost your friend but it's not completely due to things I have done - this trashy, tasteless FB message to my mother finished the job for you. I never really talked up David's good points and I have talked to him about that and apologized for being a less than ideal husband. You started losing your friend the day that you decided that I wasn't doing what you wanted. I suppose I could have stayed in Bradley and paid rent, let David live with me while he paid a mortgage and rent on the trailer, the gas money to go back and forth to his job (until he found another one closer with an appropriate pay rate because not just any pay rate would work), paying car/renter's/homeowner's insurances. Do you see the costs adding up?
Rent in Bradley: $545 (assuming I stayed in Romeo's place)Rent in Portage: $460 (includes water/sewer/trash/land)Mortgage(Trailer) $213Utilities in Portage: $80 (gas/electric - minimums with no one here - set by nipsco)Utilities in Bradley: ?? (Can't say because that would change since we lived there)Gas to/from his job: $?? (Gas in IL has moved between $3.49 - $4.49/gal)Insurance: $?? (unknown because I pay $160 a month now for two cars and a trailer and that's with discounts of living at the same address on the property at that address. We would either need homeowner's at the trailer included or renter's at the apartment since neither type would cover both.)
I'm at $1,200+ and that's just with the numbers that are constant. There's no guarantee on the gas prices or the insurance because such things can't be calculated. Even assuming that we would lose the trailer/rent if it sold - that's *IF* it sold - what would we do if it didn't? We might have been able to make it anyway and cut down on the things we liked to do but I didn't want that. I took the cheapest option and I am very sorry that it doesn't work for you. What would you have done assuming the roles were reversed? I guess it amounts to it's not your concern.
Be there for my friend and tell him I agree with him that he shouldn't be treated in such a way? or do I side with David and make an excuse for a man I clearly do not know or have been given the chance to know.
Your husband has "cheated" on you twice and you have the nerve to tell me that I shouldn't be treated that way? He made simple romantic gestures and you stay with him - hardly someone who doesn't make excuses for your own husband. You have even made statements about leaving your husband once your child is 18. I admit, that's been awhile and may have been said in a moment of anger. Compared to you two, I am treated like a prince - i just needed to realize it.
I do not know who your son has become, but he surely is not the man I love and adore. Miss Betty he is my family and always will be. He is very much loved by me as if he were my own flesh and blood, brother.
The only thing I have become is someone who doesn't hang on your every word. If this is how you love your own flesh and blood - please disown me. I have real blood family members that treat me better than that. I have family members, unrelated by blood, that treat me better than that.
But I can not and will not, subject my husband and my children to such negativity. I understand they are "in love", but have some respect when you come into my house...there is no need to be all over one another when people are trying to carry on a conversation. You know its bad when the kids leave the room and do not return to the living room until they hear that Bryan and David are leaving. And that is just to say good bye.
The children generally stay in the room when we were there. If they went into the bedroom, it was to play games or do something that kids do. I have never been all over Dave as you claim. The closest that I am aware of is when we come over for dinner and I was leaning against Dave and we would kiss every so often. These are light pecks on the lips or cheeks and you even took pictures of it. Such odd behavior for someone who is now saying that it was raunchy behavior. You know that I do not do PDA beyond light kisses and holding hands. The children are younger and they may see it differently but you, as the adult, should be able to explain it. Somehow, I don't believe the children ever asked you about it. My love for David is just as real as your love for your husband. It doesn't mater if you think so or not.
We had to stop inviting them over for dinner. The reason being is because with Brian losing his job and both of us desperately searching for jobs.
What you call looking for a job is, by no means, what a reasonable person would call desperately looking for a job. It is one thing to not apply for a job because you don't qualify for it. It is another to not apply for a job because it didn't have the hours you were looking for or that it would take you away from family for too long at a time. Or even to apply for a job for whatever hours with the notion that you might quit as soon as more income was coming into the house. This is not reasonable for the average person or for any company that wasted the time, energy and resources to hire and train you.
we are on a limited income. We have three children and we need to make sure they get fed
Let's draw the distinction here. You have one full time child in the house - your daughter and sometimes you have three children in your house - your daughter and stepsons every other weekend and other times throughout the year as their mother allows them to come and go or you can afford to have them there. Yes, you have three children but your statement makes it appear like they are there ALL the time when this isn't the case.
So I buy a ham or turkey that is big enough to be used for other meals. Last time we had Bryan and David over, between just the two of them, they ate half a ham....HALF A HAM. Needless to say my husband and I went with out food so our children could be fed the next two days after the dinner. Its like neither of them have any regard for anyone else but themselves.
You are right. That was needless to say because it's not true and you know that. We buy the same 6-8 pound ham that you do at the store and it takes us 4 days to eat that ham. Now, count that, 4 days and we might be able to eat maybe 3/4th of that ham and then throw some away because it got shoved to the back or just tired of eating ham. This is after we have eaten ham for 2 or 3 evening meals, I have eaten ham sandwiches for 3 lunches maybe 4 and have had ham and bean soup. This tells you that there is no way that David and I could have put away 1/2 ham on our own. With the generous spread that you put out at holidays, there is no way at all that this could be true. Never mind that you tell people to eat as much as you like. I'm not even sure where you got the ridiculous notion that we managed to put away 1/2 a ham.
Bryan talks to me like we have all the money in the world and we can just go out and buy the things he does, and go to the places he and david go to.
No, actually, I don't - I stopped telling you some of the places we went or were going because I simply didn't want to hear you bitch about how much we waste at restaurants (I can agree some of it was a waste) or attempting to be sensitive to your plight. I may have failed at this venture but at least I was trying...something you refuse to acknowledge.
When I remind him of our situation I get attitude as if he is better. "oh thats right, I forgot" Like im beneath him.
This is an interesting claim. I have never once considered myself better than you before now. Anytime I said, "Oh, that's right. I forgot" was because I would call and ask if you watched a particular show and you would remind me that you don't have cable. Which is hardly something to get upset over. You've also told me that, "Yes, I've accepted that about you." as if my memory lapses are something that should be shameful. You can believe all you like that I really wasn't forgetting these things but that's on you. Then again, since I don't have to stoop to your level to talk about you or send tragic lies to your mother then I guess I can say I am better than you.
I decided it best if I just walked away quietly.
Quietly? You weren't exactly loud but you did make a deal over it. Even though you knew that what I wrote that night was a generalization, you still chose to make a stink over it. But who am I kidding? You were gone long before that.
If this is what makes him happy, being with David, than who am I to stand in the way of his happiness. But I will not allow anyone to hurt my family, and he has done quite enough of hurting my family and it was time to walk away.
Really? I have hurt your family? Imagine how you hurt my mother, writing these filthy lies to her. Imagine how you have hurt me by taking the time to write these things that you know for a fact are not true. I guess this is the Catholic coming out of you. A witch, that you claim to be, wouldn't resort to this sort of non-sense or harmful behavior. Unless, of course, she's a bad witch. I guess we can ascertain why that face was presenting itself.
You are more than welcome to come visit anytime Miss Betty, when you are here
She won't visit you now and besides we all know that is a hollow gesture.
Our door is always open to you, you are family and we absolutely adore you. But I highly doubt Bryan will bring you to see us, not while he and David are still together.
You hit the nail on the head with this one! It's because I'm with David that I won't take her over there. Never mind the distance from my house to yours, the amount of gas or that you wrote this tasteless, tacky letter to my mother. Yep, it's none of those things, it's because I am with David. Trust me, my mother, wants nothing to do with you now. I certainly want nothing to do with you now and I won't want anything to do with you should David and I ever split up (this won't happen, so don't get your hopes up).
I'm sorry you are having to find all this out this way. I've so wanted to call you and tell you all of this, its been very heart breaking for me. But I am done crying over someone whom never sheds a tear for me.
You're wrong here, I have shed a tear over you and it appears that I had no business doing so. Although I should have seen the trail of friends that you have "outgrown" or they have done you wrong - Dana, George, Dave Mott - I thought maybe they had did you wrong over time but now I'm beginning to rethink that. You probably had no use for them. You've so wanted to call like all those times she wanted to talk to you but you didn't have time...like now.
I love you and I hope you understand why I had to distance myself from Bryan.
Sweetie this is the best thing you could have done for me especially now that I have read this message you sent my mother. .We love you the mostest too. This letter proves just how much!
Who knows what is floating around in your head. I talked to Mel and she told me that you were psychotic and made things up. I thought she was making things up but you do make things up. Telling lies doesn't make you psychotic but telling those lies to a mother who has no reason to believe those lies does make you a little psychotic. You had to know writing this trash to my mother wouldn't change her mind and that eventually I would find out about it.
You and Mel are the same in some respects. You both make things all about you. Oh, I'm sure I do that but in this letter you wrote - you chose to tell my mother all the things that I had, apparently, done to you. You didn't tell her that you have my cake plates, microwave, mini food processor and hand steamer. You didn't tell her the times that I bought you food and brought it over to your house because I knew if I had asked, you would have said no. You didn't mention the times that I did ask to help you and was rejected or the times I bought fast food. You didn't tell her that we talked more when I lived in Atlanta (700 miles away) than when I lived a mile down the street from you. You didn't mention the times that I let you borrow my car (4 round trips/month (most times)) to take your daughter to spend the weekend with her father. You didn't mention the times that we used my car to go out and do things when we did go out. I realized the truck was on its last wheels and this was okay. In the end, you both walked away because you felt you deserved more than you got or ever gave to me. Neither one of you had a really good reason because anything bad can be balanced with the good. Although, if I were to judge the reasons, I would award the walkaway of the year to Mel. At least she exploded in grand style and didn't resort to sending my mother filthy lies via Facebook. On top of that, Mel had good reason. I ran out on her when she needed me the most because I was scared and at the time, my fear told me to get out quickly before she lost her place to live. Yes, I did her wrong in that regard and fear is no excuse. But as with you, I did things to help her out even as far as a trip to the Bahamas. My car to help her out when she needed it. I helped her move when no one else would (likewise, she helped me move when she could). I got her to the hospital and visited her there when she had MRSA. In her case, the good may have been even or not quite balancing the bad but as I said, she had a reason. You, on the other hand, had no reason except that you could either no longer control me or felt I wasn't able to give you the attention you think you deserve.
I don't want recognition for these things nor do I want my stuff back. Then again, if you are going to resort to lies then there's no need to say good things about people. That would take away from the message on how terrible I am and how saintly you are and we couldn't have that - now could we?
Respectfully Submitted,
Ouiser
Candy MerillatThank you Miss Betty for the beautiful letter. Bryan and I, unfortunately do not talk anymore.I unfriended him on facebook because I can not handle all the negative things he posts about the church and our government. And how everyone is against him.
Yes, there are certain things about the church that I completely despise. Like shuffling pedophiles around or those who claim to be standing for religion saying silly things like marriage equality will lead to bestiality or (you guessed it) pedophilia. If saying you don't like these things are negative then yes, I am negative. As for the government, I think I talk the most about Republicans but I also talk about Democrats. In this regard, you know as well as I do, that you and your husband are far worse in your negativity about the government. Nothing Chicago/Illinois government or the federal government could do was right. Does that mean you were wrong? No, it just means you were negative about the government. At least I admit that Republicans do have good ideas from time to time but nothing recently.
The last time I talked to him was a few weeks before Christmas.
You did talk to me after the new year and I thought we cleared up any matters. Then the bullying episode occurred and while I did generalize...most people would have thought that their child doesn't fit that description so therefore they couldn't have learned something they don't know from their parents. But this didn't occur to you and I'm not sure why.
He has told me on many occasions that David doesn't think I like him. This is true.
I have said time and time again to him that If I didn't like David, I wouldn't invite him to my house, hug him or even talk to him.
I have told David this and it was his choice to stay away from you - he felt you didn't like him when he was around. I can't make him change his mind.
Since Bryan moved to Indiana, our relationship has gone down hill.
This is true - in some respect - the relationship started going downhill when I first agreed to move to Indiana. Once that occurred, you wouldn't even help me move when you told me months earlier that you would. Who would have thought that offer was contingent on me moving where you wanted me to. (See below about costs associated with your ideas).
We can't talk when Dave is home, We can't talk when David comes home and most of the time that Bryan were to call me is when he got out of the house with out David or David wasn't home.
I have called during times when David wasn't home because I was cleaning and bored. When David would come home, he would ascertain who was on the phone and then go on about his business.
Trying to have a conversation with him while David was home, was to have the conversation constantly interupted by David, or Bryan tell me he had to go because David was either giving him attitude or pouting because Bryan wasn't paying attention to him.
I don't remember David ever giving me attitude or pouting when I was on the phone. He would always say hello to you and you would say hello back. That was the extent of it. If David was ever pouting or had attitude - he wasn't serious about it. Oddly enough we are missing the number of times that your family would interrupt our phone calls. Let's talk about the number of times and length of time that I waited with dead air on the line (no, you can't use the excuse that they are children). Unless they are toddlers or younger, they can see you were on the phone and never mind that your daughter would always talk to you about things and never your husband. Admittedly, I'm not sure if this is because he would always defer to you or not. Given the number of times (and how quickly they begin once you are outside) that you have gotten text messages from your daughter while away and your reaction to these texts - I assume she never asks him.
After their trip to Connecticut and Bryan announcing on Facebook that he and David had decided to move up there where they could be married and it be viewed as a real marriage, I knew then I had lost my friend. The reason I knew is because I found out like the general public...via Facebook. Not a phone call stating his happy news but a total disregard for our friendship.
Perhaps but it was actually to see what people would say - including you. At this point in time, I thought we were still friends enough that you would have called to ask about it and to see if it were true but you didn't do that. Instead you made a comment on the post about how happy you were for us but were steaming inside and harassing your upstairs neighbor about it. You told me that yourself. It would be viewed as a real marriage an option, may I remind you, that you already have but it's no fault of yours that I don't have it. Unless, of course, you voted against me.
I severed business ties with him at that moment. Changed the name of the business and opened it on my own. We had a chance to get a business grant and a substantial one, but he neglected to tell me about it until after the dead line. When I asked him why he didn't tell me, he said well I started to apply for us but I didn't know any of the details we had talked about and I just didn't do it. Never once called me to ask me to do it, or even tell me about it until it was too late to even apply.
There were no real business ties anyway. You can spin this any way that you want but the reality is that the grant I found was UP TO a certain amount - meaning no guarantee of the high number - and that we have a name - which we didn't have and the deadline was relatively close. It was also asking for numbers we couldn't have possibly offered to them with any accuracy, so to go forward would have been fraud. So, no, you can't claim that it was all my fault for losing the grant when we didn't have most of the information that they were asking for. As you noted above, I did start to fill out the form myself but then as the questions got a little more involved, I stopped and realized that we didn't have the info and wouldn't by the deadline. Yes, I did forget to tell you but why bother when there was nothing we could have done about it.
Never mind the times I told you that the economy didn't make me comfortable (not fully but reasonable that we would have a fair shot at sustaining a business) and with recent talks of taxes going up on small business - I wasn't quite ready to stick my neck out there. I get that you believe that we would be turning a profit in the first month but common business ideals dictate that it takes about 2 years to be profitable. Does that mean we would have been like that? No, but 2 years is an average meaning that any more or less was an exception to the rule.
Since the incident of him announcing he and David were going to move, Ive seen him once. He came down for Black Friday and I just felt like I was not wanted. It was a burden for me to even be with them shopping.
That's strange - you wanted to meet us at Black Friday then when your daughter wasn't feeling good, you wanted to go with us which we happily agreed. We had a good time talking and cutting up like usual. You even spent the time that I was spending waiting on a specific item with David. I would even come over and talk a few minutes. We then took you home and you wanted to go somewhere else with us - I don't see how that's feeling uncomfortable with us. Even David said that he enjoyed talking to you. So, if this was a burden, then perhaps you should have asked to go home when this became obvious. Not stand around and talk while you were miserable. If it really were a burden, that was your fault not ours.
13 years we have been friends and if he wants to believe what David tells him when David doesn't even know me...well than that is on Bryan.
I believe what my husband says just like you do - that hasn't changed. I suppose you think that since you said something then I should just believe it and completely ignore my husband's feelings.
He seemed to be hinting to me when he found out we were going to church on Christmas Eve, seemed like he wanted to go. I told him that Im sure there was a church in his area he could attend. Now Miss Betty I have never turned anyone of God's children away when they have shown interest in going to church with us. But Miss Betty, the way Bryan looks his nose down on the church and anything to do with the church. I was not going to sit in the house of the Lord, our loving and beautiful church, knowing that the person sitting next to me did not believe.
That's odd. You believe that you can be a witch and a Christian at the same time knowing that those two particular religious paths are incompatible. Christians/Catholics used to burn witches at the stake, press them to death and force them to convert under penalty of death. Witches used to hide in the Catholic church in the 50s but they only went to church and didn't actually practice the religion itself and never considered themselves Christian. If you need to mix two religions to make it work for you then one or both of them isn't for you. At any rate, I did mention that I wanted to go because I love Christmas cantatas especially those sang in churches with great acoustics and you are the one who told me the church was great for that and that I should go. Loving music and believing in the same thing you do is completely different. To enjoy music does not require that I enjoy the faith it's singing about.For the record, I have never told you or anyone else that I am an atheist. I have told people that I am agnostic (this is different than being an atheist) and that I believe there are gods that exist but I have a different way of viewing them. Also, You know I have no desire to be part of any religion and believe the Catholic Church is being highly hypocritical to continue telling others just how nasty and gross they are when they shuffle pedophile priests around and think nothing of it. Yes, that is my right. Just because you can overlook it or make an excuse like well it's not my church doesn't mean I have to do the same thing
I've lost my friend. I've listened to him when he has called and complained about David being lazy, not making any decisions and upsetting Bryan. but it seems that when I agree with Bryan, he goes back and tells David and that would be the reason David thinks I do not like him...when in fact, what I don't like is that Bryan does nothing but tell me the BAD things David does and nothing of the GOOD that David does...so what am I supposed to do?
I can agree with this one, you have permanently lost your friend but it's not completely due to things I have done - this trashy, tasteless FB message to my mother finished the job for you. I never really talked up David's good points and I have talked to him about that and apologized for being a less than ideal husband. You started losing your friend the day that you decided that I wasn't doing what you wanted. I suppose I could have stayed in Bradley and paid rent, let David live with me while he paid a mortgage and rent on the trailer, the gas money to go back and forth to his job (until he found another one closer with an appropriate pay rate because not just any pay rate would work), paying car/renter's/homeowner's insurances. Do you see the costs adding up?
Rent in Bradley: $545 (assuming I stayed in Romeo's place)Rent in Portage: $460 (includes water/sewer/trash/land)Mortgage(Trailer) $213Utilities in Portage: $80 (gas/electric - minimums with no one here - set by nipsco)Utilities in Bradley: ?? (Can't say because that would change since we lived there)Gas to/from his job: $?? (Gas in IL has moved between $3.49 - $4.49/gal)Insurance: $?? (unknown because I pay $160 a month now for two cars and a trailer and that's with discounts of living at the same address on the property at that address. We would either need homeowner's at the trailer included or renter's at the apartment since neither type would cover both.)
I'm at $1,200+ and that's just with the numbers that are constant. There's no guarantee on the gas prices or the insurance because such things can't be calculated. Even assuming that we would lose the trailer/rent if it sold - that's *IF* it sold - what would we do if it didn't? We might have been able to make it anyway and cut down on the things we liked to do but I didn't want that. I took the cheapest option and I am very sorry that it doesn't work for you. What would you have done assuming the roles were reversed? I guess it amounts to it's not your concern.
Be there for my friend and tell him I agree with him that he shouldn't be treated in such a way? or do I side with David and make an excuse for a man I clearly do not know or have been given the chance to know.
Your husband has "cheated" on you twice and you have the nerve to tell me that I shouldn't be treated that way? He made simple romantic gestures and you stay with him - hardly someone who doesn't make excuses for your own husband. You have even made statements about leaving your husband once your child is 18. I admit, that's been awhile and may have been said in a moment of anger. Compared to you two, I am treated like a prince - i just needed to realize it.
I do not know who your son has become, but he surely is not the man I love and adore. Miss Betty he is my family and always will be. He is very much loved by me as if he were my own flesh and blood, brother.
The only thing I have become is someone who doesn't hang on your every word. If this is how you love your own flesh and blood - please disown me. I have real blood family members that treat me better than that. I have family members, unrelated by blood, that treat me better than that.
But I can not and will not, subject my husband and my children to such negativity. I understand they are "in love", but have some respect when you come into my house...there is no need to be all over one another when people are trying to carry on a conversation. You know its bad when the kids leave the room and do not return to the living room until they hear that Bryan and David are leaving. And that is just to say good bye.
The children generally stay in the room when we were there. If they went into the bedroom, it was to play games or do something that kids do. I have never been all over Dave as you claim. The closest that I am aware of is when we come over for dinner and I was leaning against Dave and we would kiss every so often. These are light pecks on the lips or cheeks and you even took pictures of it. Such odd behavior for someone who is now saying that it was raunchy behavior. You know that I do not do PDA beyond light kisses and holding hands. The children are younger and they may see it differently but you, as the adult, should be able to explain it. Somehow, I don't believe the children ever asked you about it. My love for David is just as real as your love for your husband. It doesn't mater if you think so or not.
We had to stop inviting them over for dinner. The reason being is because with Brian losing his job and both of us desperately searching for jobs.
What you call looking for a job is, by no means, what a reasonable person would call desperately looking for a job. It is one thing to not apply for a job because you don't qualify for it. It is another to not apply for a job because it didn't have the hours you were looking for or that it would take you away from family for too long at a time. Or even to apply for a job for whatever hours with the notion that you might quit as soon as more income was coming into the house. This is not reasonable for the average person or for any company that wasted the time, energy and resources to hire and train you.
we are on a limited income. We have three children and we need to make sure they get fed
Let's draw the distinction here. You have one full time child in the house - your daughter and sometimes you have three children in your house - your daughter and stepsons every other weekend and other times throughout the year as their mother allows them to come and go or you can afford to have them there. Yes, you have three children but your statement makes it appear like they are there ALL the time when this isn't the case.
So I buy a ham or turkey that is big enough to be used for other meals. Last time we had Bryan and David over, between just the two of them, they ate half a ham....HALF A HAM. Needless to say my husband and I went with out food so our children could be fed the next two days after the dinner. Its like neither of them have any regard for anyone else but themselves.
You are right. That was needless to say because it's not true and you know that. We buy the same 6-8 pound ham that you do at the store and it takes us 4 days to eat that ham. Now, count that, 4 days and we might be able to eat maybe 3/4th of that ham and then throw some away because it got shoved to the back or just tired of eating ham. This is after we have eaten ham for 2 or 3 evening meals, I have eaten ham sandwiches for 3 lunches maybe 4 and have had ham and bean soup. This tells you that there is no way that David and I could have put away 1/2 ham on our own. With the generous spread that you put out at holidays, there is no way at all that this could be true. Never mind that you tell people to eat as much as you like. I'm not even sure where you got the ridiculous notion that we managed to put away 1/2 a ham.
Bryan talks to me like we have all the money in the world and we can just go out and buy the things he does, and go to the places he and david go to.
No, actually, I don't - I stopped telling you some of the places we went or were going because I simply didn't want to hear you bitch about how much we waste at restaurants (I can agree some of it was a waste) or attempting to be sensitive to your plight. I may have failed at this venture but at least I was trying...something you refuse to acknowledge.
When I remind him of our situation I get attitude as if he is better. "oh thats right, I forgot" Like im beneath him.
This is an interesting claim. I have never once considered myself better than you before now. Anytime I said, "Oh, that's right. I forgot" was because I would call and ask if you watched a particular show and you would remind me that you don't have cable. Which is hardly something to get upset over. You've also told me that, "Yes, I've accepted that about you." as if my memory lapses are something that should be shameful. You can believe all you like that I really wasn't forgetting these things but that's on you. Then again, since I don't have to stoop to your level to talk about you or send tragic lies to your mother then I guess I can say I am better than you.
I decided it best if I just walked away quietly.
Quietly? You weren't exactly loud but you did make a deal over it. Even though you knew that what I wrote that night was a generalization, you still chose to make a stink over it. But who am I kidding? You were gone long before that.
If this is what makes him happy, being with David, than who am I to stand in the way of his happiness. But I will not allow anyone to hurt my family, and he has done quite enough of hurting my family and it was time to walk away.
Really? I have hurt your family? Imagine how you hurt my mother, writing these filthy lies to her. Imagine how you have hurt me by taking the time to write these things that you know for a fact are not true. I guess this is the Catholic coming out of you. A witch, that you claim to be, wouldn't resort to this sort of non-sense or harmful behavior. Unless, of course, she's a bad witch. I guess we can ascertain why that face was presenting itself.
You are more than welcome to come visit anytime Miss Betty, when you are here
She won't visit you now and besides we all know that is a hollow gesture.
Our door is always open to you, you are family and we absolutely adore you. But I highly doubt Bryan will bring you to see us, not while he and David are still together.
You hit the nail on the head with this one! It's because I'm with David that I won't take her over there. Never mind the distance from my house to yours, the amount of gas or that you wrote this tasteless, tacky letter to my mother. Yep, it's none of those things, it's because I am with David. Trust me, my mother, wants nothing to do with you now. I certainly want nothing to do with you now and I won't want anything to do with you should David and I ever split up (this won't happen, so don't get your hopes up).
I'm sorry you are having to find all this out this way. I've so wanted to call you and tell you all of this, its been very heart breaking for me. But I am done crying over someone whom never sheds a tear for me.
You're wrong here, I have shed a tear over you and it appears that I had no business doing so. Although I should have seen the trail of friends that you have "outgrown" or they have done you wrong - Dana, George, Dave Mott - I thought maybe they had did you wrong over time but now I'm beginning to rethink that. You probably had no use for them. You've so wanted to call like all those times she wanted to talk to you but you didn't have time...like now.
I love you and I hope you understand why I had to distance myself from Bryan.
Sweetie this is the best thing you could have done for me especially now that I have read this message you sent my mother. .We love you the mostest too. This letter proves just how much!
Who knows what is floating around in your head. I talked to Mel and she told me that you were psychotic and made things up. I thought she was making things up but you do make things up. Telling lies doesn't make you psychotic but telling those lies to a mother who has no reason to believe those lies does make you a little psychotic. You had to know writing this trash to my mother wouldn't change her mind and that eventually I would find out about it.
You and Mel are the same in some respects. You both make things all about you. Oh, I'm sure I do that but in this letter you wrote - you chose to tell my mother all the things that I had, apparently, done to you. You didn't tell her that you have my cake plates, microwave, mini food processor and hand steamer. You didn't tell her the times that I bought you food and brought it over to your house because I knew if I had asked, you would have said no. You didn't mention the times that I did ask to help you and was rejected or the times I bought fast food. You didn't tell her that we talked more when I lived in Atlanta (700 miles away) than when I lived a mile down the street from you. You didn't mention the times that I let you borrow my car (4 round trips/month (most times)) to take your daughter to spend the weekend with her father. You didn't mention the times that we used my car to go out and do things when we did go out. I realized the truck was on its last wheels and this was okay. In the end, you both walked away because you felt you deserved more than you got or ever gave to me. Neither one of you had a really good reason because anything bad can be balanced with the good. Although, if I were to judge the reasons, I would award the walkaway of the year to Mel. At least she exploded in grand style and didn't resort to sending my mother filthy lies via Facebook. On top of that, Mel had good reason. I ran out on her when she needed me the most because I was scared and at the time, my fear told me to get out quickly before she lost her place to live. Yes, I did her wrong in that regard and fear is no excuse. But as with you, I did things to help her out even as far as a trip to the Bahamas. My car to help her out when she needed it. I helped her move when no one else would (likewise, she helped me move when she could). I got her to the hospital and visited her there when she had MRSA. In her case, the good may have been even or not quite balancing the bad but as I said, she had a reason. You, on the other hand, had no reason except that you could either no longer control me or felt I wasn't able to give you the attention you think you deserve.
I don't want recognition for these things nor do I want my stuff back. Then again, if you are going to resort to lies then there's no need to say good things about people. That would take away from the message on how terrible I am and how saintly you are and we couldn't have that - now could we?
Respectfully Submitted,
Ouiser
Friday, April 5, 2013
Friendships.......?
Do you have friendships? I think it's reasonable to say that most of us do. I just finished watching the Golden Girls episode where Sophia meets a friend at the boardwalk. They both snipe and nag each other while sipping a soda. At the end of the episode, Sophia loses her friend to Alzheimer's. His daughter couldn't take the time off from work anymore to watch after him 24/7 and so they sent him to New York to be with nephew who could offer specialized care. She loses her friend but at least it was to something that not even science can stop. Sure, it can slow it down but not stop it completely.
What was the point of the story, you ask? I watched the episode and it caused my face to leak thinking about the various reasons that you could lose a friend. In my case, she said that I was too negative and that she would cheer me on from afar (read: I don't want to be your friend anymore and well the reason doesn't matter but this makes me feel better). I freely admit that I am negative but not as much as she suggested. Is it really negative to be honest with people regardless of how bad it sounds? Sometimes people need to hear what they don't want to hear or what they actually need to hear not what they want to hear. In some cases, that's what a person is looking for - an honest person to tell them what they, themselves, already know. You could say that I am making excuses for myself but I'm not. As I said before, I am negative to a degree but I am a far cry from a dark cloud swirling over my head that's threatening to consume me. Once the deed was done, she could pat herself on the back and go on with her life. For my part, I removed myself from the two lists that I was on that she run and then blocked her from my accounts. That might seem petty but then how can I miss her if she never really goes away?
The truth is that I do miss my friendship with her or at least how I framed it in my mind but in reality, it was never really a friendship in the first place. Sure, when I lived in Atlanta, we talked nightly about all sorts of things unless something come up. Then when I moved up here so we could start our bakery together, the talking stopped. Yes, I went over to her house and we chatted there when there was a moment. She would come over to my house but only long enough to borrow the internet (I didn't mind) and I must say she cleaned my apartment at least twice. Yes, we chatted on the phone. But neither one of these were as much as we did when I lived 900 miles away. I could go days without talking to my friend who, now, lived a mile down the street. She told me that I was a breath of fresh air and alive but then somewhere that all changed. To my knowledge, I haven't done anything different than usual but she found religion. She always considered herself a witch but now she added being a Christian to that and ended up being an Xtian. I could be wrong. It could be something as simple as I moved to Indiana to be with David but I'm not 100% sure. I can't ask her now but if I could - would I? When the time line rolled through my head, I saw it coming with hindsight being 20/20 and all that...
One would think that I had enough time to know it was coming and without the aid of 20/20 hindsight. There may have been signs of it before this but I don't think the end really started until I moved to Indiana to be with David. One would also think that your best friend would be happy for you when you found the man you want to share your life with but apparently that's only if it meshes with the current plans. I know that before I moved here, I said that I didn't want to and made a big stink about it. There was a huge hole in the bathroom floor and there was no heating or air conditioning except for the window units during the summer. In the winter, we confined ourselves to one room and kept that one warm for us. Then again, with the exception of the huge hole in the bathroom floor - my last apartment was that way and we couldn't stay in one room together that we could keep warm and watch TV (it was too small, in case, you are curious) but I digress.....
Okay, so I should have had enough time to see it coming and I think I did. When I moved, it was just David and I moving my stuff down a flight of stairs and then it started pouring rain and it even filled up the viaduct that run underneath the train track down from my apartment. I was talking to her and even mentioned several times that I needed the help but she never bothered to offer the help and I was being too stubborn to ask because I figure, if you wanted too then you would have helped (never mind that she advised that she would help a few months ago). I went home last summer so that my David could see where I lived and what the south looked like plus I was visiting my mother. My brother and his wife found out that I call her a dirty whore and it's true, I do. Several times too. So, anyway, he wouldn't speak to me so I made a post on Facebook about it and my friend here jumped on me about it. Basically, it wasn't funny and she didn't see the point since the dirty whore isn't my friend and wouldn't see it anyway. Normally, she would have laughed about the dirty whore incident.
This is what I wrote:
Attention All Whores and Witches: In the past, I have called someone a whore and even suggested that if the broom fits - she should ride it. I stand before you today to apologize for my actions. By calling her a whore and suggesting that flying a broom is so easy that even stupid people can do it, was and is offensive and gives a bad name to whores and witches everywhere. I apologize to you all.
I still think it's funny but you can't win them all. Next comes the Chik-Fil-A debacle. If you don't know of it then that's when the founder of said company said they were happy as an anti-gay company and saw no need to support the gays in their marriage quest. He even based it on biblical principles but failed to mention the other types of biblical marriage or even the gay relationship found in the old and new testament (but I interpreted the bible in MY way and I could be wrong). She had a little friend on there that said that gays should just get over it. Then I had my say and forgot to use quotation marks - THE HORROR!! - so she trotted out there and told whoever that I forgot to use them and really didn't mean all christians (which I thought everyone knew who I was talking about) and in that speech I suggested that if the founder had said he believed women should be barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen and believed that they should have no say or voting rights, I bet she wouldn't be saying get over it. But because the gay part didn't mean anything to her or affect her, she didn't care. So, my friend, told me by text that I basically only have one thought that I change and re-word in hopes that someone will bow down to my ego. So I said, so I'm a fraud? She said don't put words in my mouth and I said well a fraud is someone who has nothing but his ego. They believe that everyone is too stupid to figure it out or be able to find out it was them behind it all.
Now the Connecticut wedding issue - Again, I took to Facebook with the following update:
Dearest friends: while David and I have been on vacation in Connecticut visiting old friends (heifah please! It's just a figure of speech), We have decided to get married and live in Connecticut since our union will be recognized there. We will, of course, return to Indiana to clean up our stuff there and prepare for our move to Connecticut so that we can live in wedded bliss regardless of who the next president is. — with David
and she left this: CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLOWING KISSES AND AIR HUGS!!!!!!!
Sounds cool right? Well, in reality, she was hoping mad and seething about the whole thing. Even called the neighbor from upstairs to bitch to him about it. She couldn't believe that I was throwing away 12 years of friendship and so forth and so on. Reading this far makes it sound like I wasn't important. I let it all blow over and waited then I called her and that's how I found out what was going on. Normally, she would have snatched up the phone and demanded answers but she didn't do that this time.
Sometime around Christmas, she had made a trip to Bargains & Treasures to look at stuff to purchase for Christmas. The owner had told her I had been there with David but I couldn't remember being there especially with David. Last time I was in Bradley was on Black Friday (I thought we had a good time then but apparently not). She was upset that I was in town without telling her (that's reasonable but I actually wasn't in town) and I can only assume the owner got her times mixed up which happens. All this time, I thought she was upset with me and then she deleted me from Facebook, so I called and left her a voice mail. She called back and told me that story and we were friends again.
Lastly was the whole thing about bullying children. I believe that bullying is a learned behavior and most likely it comes from the parents but, like everything else, I assume people know I am not talking about all children or all parents. Apparently it upset her to the point of crying because well she and her family aren't like that and I know that and I assumed that the generalization would make a person think that well they aren't like that then I must not be talking about them. It didn't happen that way. So that's when I got those all dramatic words about she needs to dump negative people out of her life and she will still cheer me on but from afar. She will be waiting on me when I get to the end of my tunnel and resolve the dark cloud hanging over my head. I told her to do what she needed to do. That's a condensed version of what was said but the rest was unimportant.
In the end, it's true I wasn't happy at that point in my life and I'm doing okay now. Some days are good and others are bad but when I do reach the end of that tunnel – she won't be there and I know this. Even if she were, I'd rather step past her and talk with people that stood by me assuming these are the worst days of my life. I can't really speak for her and, of course, what I wrote is what I'm thinking but the friendship ended that night and it won't be reignited.
I thought she was being overly dramatic about the whole wedding thing and the 12 years of friendship being tossed. But I guess it really is true - 12 years of friendship can be thrown away <snap> just like that.
Respectfully Submitted,
Ouiser
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